The Englishman says "I've bought my wife a 24-carot gold ring and a glove".

"Why have you got her a glove?" the other two ask.

"Because when she wears the ring in public, I want her to wear the glove so no-one can nick it off her finger" he replies.

The Scotsman is not impressed and proudly braggs "I've got my wife a diamond necklace and a scarf".

The other two, slightly confused, ask "What's the scarf for?"

"So that when she wears it in crowded places, she can put the scarf around her neck to prevent it being snatched" the Scotsman replies.

The Englishman and Scotsman, both feeling proud at their gifts, were keen to hear what the Irishman had bought his wife and invited him to tell them.

"Well, I got her a pair of shoes and a vibrator" he says.

The others, slightly taken aback, ask him why he bought the vibrator, to which he replies "Cos if she doesn't like the shoes she can go screw herself!"